To Love Someone and To Be in Love with Someone?

Everyone is related to someone else even if neither one knows it. Here's a place to discuss aspirations toward the perfect relationships with our fellow beings.

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bomohwkl
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To Love Someone and To Be in Love with Someone?

Post: # 2140Post bomohwkl »

Errrr.... do you think is there any difference between to love someone
and to be in love with someone?
For me, it sounds like to be on love with someone is like infatuation? I really lack of experience on this subject.
It seems that relationship is based on "be in love with someone" than "to love someone"? Any ideas??
Vesko
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Post: # 2143Post Vesko »

I think that when native English speakers (I am not one) say "to love someone" it may mean that the initial process of starting to love someone has already finished, whereas "to be in love with someone" may mean just the same ("to love someone"), but it may also mean that you are starting to love someone. Other than that possible connotation, as I said they can be used interchangeably.
Am I on the right track here or am I badly mistaken?
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Alisima
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Post: # 2144Post Alisima »

Im not a native English speaker either, but i think i have got the answer.

What if I would say "I love blue." That would mean that I like the color blue, that whenever I see blue I get happy. Same goes with "I love my mother" and "I love myself."

When I would say "I am in love with my someone." It is the same kind of love BUT, more sexual.
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Kestrel
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Post: # 2145Post Kestrel »

Well currently english makes up about, oh I dont know around 100% of the langagues I know. This qualifys me to respond to this question.

It has more to do with Context in my opinoin. For instance to love some one, you do realize there are diffrent types of loves. Love as in a man and a woman or I guess in some cases a man and a man. Theres brotherly love ect its all about context there.

"To be in love" would more refer to lovers, those whom are attractied to eachother.

Well I hope that explains it, you're questions kind of a comparative statement I guess.
‘And there we are. When you push away your neighbours, your son or your daughter - if you aren’t always ready to help even those whom you don’t like, you contribute to the disintegration of your civilisation. And this is what is happening on Earth more and more, through hate and violence."
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bomohwkl
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Post: # 2146Post bomohwkl »

from http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn4957
Men are from Mars and women from Venus - except when they are in love. During this intense period, men and women become more like each other than at any other time.

We already know that falling in love is a bit like going crazy. Donatella Marazziti of the University of Pisa in Italy showed in 1999 that levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin, which has a calming effect, dip below normal in those who say they are in love as well as in people with obsessive compulsive disorder. Both groups spend inordinate amounts of time obsessing about something or someone (New Scientist print edition, 31 July 1999).

Now Marazziti has looked at the hormonal changes that occur in people who are in love. Her team measured the blood levels of several key hormones in 12 men and 12 women who said they had fallen in love within the past six months. The researchers compared these hormone levels to those in 24 other volunteers who were either single or in stable long-term relationships.

The first finding was that both men and women in love have considerably higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol, indicating that courtship can be somewhat stressful. "But the most intriguing finding is related to testosterone," says Marazziti.

Split the difference
Men who were in love had lower levels of the male sex hormone testosterone - linked to aggression and sex drive - than the other men. Love-struck women, in contrast, had higher levels of testosterone than their counterparts, the team will report in Psychoneuroendocrinology.

"Men, in some way, had become more like women, and women had become like men," says Marazziti. "It's as if nature wants to eliminate what can be different in men and women, because it's more important to survive [and mate] at this stage."

But is falling in love really responsible for these changes? Andreas Bartels of University College London points out that the hormonal changes could just be a result of increased sexual activity. "There's a high degree of affection, but there's also, without any doubt, extremely high sexual activity," he says.

Marazziti thinks that this explanation is unlikely, however, because in her study those in the control group were having sex just as often as those in the "in love" group.

Love is blind
What is more, other studies suggest that testosterone levels in men rise as sexual activity increases (New Scientist, 27 November 1999). So if the hormonal changes were just the result of sex, testosterone levels would be expected to increase in men, rather than fall.

Converging levels of testosterone may not be the only thing that helps a man and woman overcome their differences. Other research has shown that falling in love really does make us blind to our partner's faults.

Bartels's team has found that when people look at their lovers, the neural circuits that are normally associated with critical social assessment of other people are suppressed (Neuroimage, vol 21, p 1155).

But the blissful state that is romantic love does not last. When Marazziti retested the same people one or two years later, when they said they were no longer madly in love, their hormone levels had returned to normal.
I think to be fallen in love or to be in love with someone is likely to be infatuated. It is just a question pops into my mind in a discussion group when a person doesn't in love with the person yet he still loves him. Irony but I think to love someone is much better than to be in love with someone and if the love is returned, it is true love.
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bomohwkl
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Post: # 2154Post bomohwkl »

I think I find it very interesting
People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Kestrel
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Post: # 2155Post Kestrel »

So it would seem, I have a lesson to learn.

This lesson starts out nice. :D

So much feeling, allready. It could be dangerous, if one looses focus.
‘And there we are. When you push away your neighbours, your son or your daughter - if you aren’t always ready to help even those whom you don’t like, you contribute to the disintegration of your civilisation. And this is what is happening on Earth more and more, through hate and violence."
Thao
Vesko
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Post: # 2156Post Vesko »

Hahaha, Kestrel, you've posted your thoughts without any context, but I happen to know that what you referred to is completely on topic.
Do you REALLY practice meditation? If your REALLY do, do you practice a GOOD method? Are you sure this is REALLY so?
Kestrel
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Post: # 2158Post Kestrel »

awww, out of context Vesko?

I call that a character building post not an "out of context' :lol:

I am just trying to be like the majority of people in the world, saying things wiht out context.
‘And there we are. When you push away your neighbours, your son or your daughter - if you aren’t always ready to help even those whom you don’t like, you contribute to the disintegration of your civilisation. And this is what is happening on Earth more and more, through hate and violence."
Thao
Lena
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Post: # 5039Post Lena »

being in love has to do with a romantic relationship and loving someone indicates a strong friendship. you can love someone you're in love with, but not always the other way around.

I was in love with someone but over time we both changed so now we're just friends. I will always love her, even though I'm no longer IN love with her.
I think being in love with someone definately has an element of fatuation, but it also requires being on the same page spiritually. I think one of the reasons I'm not in love with this friend anymore is because I have progressed spiritually a lot over the past couple years and she hasn't. if I wanted to have an intelligent spiritual conversation with her she'd say she doesn't want to think about it. she seems immature to me these days.
meanwhile, the one im in love with now is very intelligent and admirable. she's more on my level so I have a stronger connection with her.

this is why I think it's a really good idea to date someone for a longer time before getting married not matter how much in love you are, especially if you're young. people change, and while it's possible to stay friends with past lovers, I imagine it would be difficult to stay in a marriage with someone who is so different than when you got married, or when you grow and change a lot and your partner stays the same.

I really liked your quote, bomohwkl, btw
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Post: # 7578Post Amnesiac »

I think the difference between "loving someone" and being "in love with someone" is typically distinguished by romantic/sexual and non-romantic/sexual relationships, as has been mentioned above.

However, in my opinion, language lacks the power to accurately describe such a thing as love. Everyone has their own ways of understanding, or attempting to understand or explain love through language. Some of us will of course have different definitions for "love" or "in love", and so agreeing on a universal definition or distinction between these two terms would be, to me, useless and impossible.

Personally, I don't like to use the term "in love", because to me, being "in love" suggests that I am not in control, or that I have decided to fully give myself over to someone. It suggests that I am surrounded, or trapped. It would indeed be a sort of infatuation. If I "love" somebody, then I am loving them, voluntarily, to whatever depths I choose. To say that I were "IN" love with someone would, to me, seem like I am giving in to love, forfeiting control of myself to an emotion which has taken control of me. Does that make any sense to anyone?

I don't know, it's just the way it seems to me. When it comes down to it though, I don't think it matters all that much whether you say you "love" someone or are "in love" with someone. What is truly important is the love/connection itself, for which there are certainly no words.

~Amnesiac
Lena
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Post: # 7936Post Lena »

I understand what you're saying about "in love". but what if you "fall in love" and cannot help it? :wink:
What is truly important is the love/connection itself, for which there are certainly no words.
so true.
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ronald
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Re: To Love Someone and To Be in Love with Someone?

Post: # 11891Post ronald »

a bit of an old topic, anyway wanted to add some comment.

It has been said that a clear indication of love is that it when it starts, it can never stop.

The phrase "falling in love" is actually very interesting, indeed as said in the previous posts it implies you cannot help it.
This would mean there is some lack of responsibility, which in the end is clearly not a matter of love, and perhaps more a thing of the ego. Once the purpose of the "falling in love" is discovered the process usually fades.
Is it good for the psyche to see such experiences in stories and movies?
( Combine this with a war drama and you have a double victim mentality soup, ready for some popular awards. :-& )

On the other hand, responsibility is ever growing when love is chosen. This is what still makes it hard for many to exercise more of it. Once you accept the full load of responsibilities and care for another being beyond physical appearance and concept of time, you may get a glimpse. :wink:
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shezmear
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Re: To Love Someone and To Be in Love with Someone?

Post: # 12161Post shezmear »

To be in love with someone is life changing, for me it is close to infatuation, just hope to hell they love you back because if they don`t your screwed!!!, talking from experience.Never in my life have I fell so low to feel that way about another human being and for it not to be returned.The thing is this, it feels soooo good, you conclude it must be right, you write you own movie with it, and if it is not returned, the mental and physical reactions can destroy you for some time.Its different from loving someone which you can do at a distance.

I try to care about all people, I try and be part of the solution not the problem but to truly love someone, were 1 or 2 out of every 3 thoughts you have is about them, look out because when it goes south your left with a hole that is hellish to get out of .When it happen to me and I say happened to me because it almost came over me it really caught me off guard and when I wanted to switch it off I could not, it was like I was addicted to this person.It forced me to go and research about how this happens and what it is involved because it is a doozy.

My farther used to say to me one of the things you learn from experience is caution, I have found this to be true....my final conclusion is this, nobody is worth that kind of love bar your children as they need that, the others have to earn it because if you throw you heart around some don`t throw it back...and in the end all you have is your self to blame....
By their deeds shall you know them.
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